Beckies Spot

After posting yesterday’s blog about sticks and stones…..I was thinking and I had a heavy topic on my heart.  Just in case someone read that and isn’t sure if they are in an abusive situation, I thought I should post some warning signs.

I honestly didn’t know that I was an abused wife.  I swear to you that I didn’t have a clue.  Yes, there was physical abuse….others could see it.  I saw the bruises, the injuries, as freak accidents that were my fault.  Everything was, in my mind.  Because I had been taught by him to think that way.  To be honest, it wasn’t until I was out for a few months that I realized I wasn’t as clumsy as I thought I was.  There were no broken bones, no stitches, no injuries at all, since he had left.  He had the physical ability to kill me, if he had wanted to.  To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t.

Looking back, I can tell you that it started in our dating years….he gained emotional control over me.  He caused me to feel- in a very subtle way- that I was nothing without him.  Like he was my survival.  Keep in mind that I did not see it at the time.  Though looking back, it was crystal clear.  I am the daughter of a preacher, and I care very much about what the Bible has to say about sumission and reliance.  He used that to his advantage.  He took it to the extreme.  And while I was not perfect, or the perfect wife by any means, I know what the Bible says.  And the Bible does not say “God said ‘woman was created to be a doormat’ and it was, and it was good.”   But he treated me like it did.  A little to a time, and before I knew it, I was taking a hit to the face….because I said something that he didn’t like and I should know better.  Or I was being tossed off the bed because I was bothering him and that was unacceptable.  Or I was having my thumb broken because I had dared to get my nails done, and I should be paying his bills with my paycheck since he didn’t have a job.  I should have known better.  He told me over and over again.  And I believed him.  For so long, he taught me that I was nothing but a lowly woman, put on this earth to do his work.

My friends…..if your domestic partner is ridiculing you more than not, has physically hit you and then made you to believe that you deserved it, humiliates you in front of your friends and family, or does not even allow you to see your friends and family…..get out now.  No one deserves to be hit, except in the case of self defense.  I wouldn’t even recommend trying to fight then- only if it is a matter of life and death.  Call the police, run- and scream.  Scream like you have never screamed before.  But don’t take one more hit.

You are not a doormat, you are not worthless.  You have two feet that you can stand on.  If you need help standing, call 1-800-787-3224 for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  And that number is not just for physical violence.  It supports all types of violence and abuse (sexual, emotional, physical and even financial).

You are better than that.