Jan 02 2009
Deciding on your future
As a woman, we have a lot of decisions to make. Throughout our lives we battle with the decision of who to have friendships with and who to leave behind. We wait with baited breath on what our future will behold. When we will get married? Who will fall in love with us? Who will we fall in love with?
So far ladies, it hasn’t changed. It hasn’t stopped. There are decisions that we are required to make in our lives that will contribute to the paths we will take. Example? You choose to go to college across the country because of its excellent academic program. Perhaps your plan is just to go to school there and then move back home- ar atleast closer to where home was, and work. But….it can change your path for you- because of where it is located. Think about the fact that you are now located on the other side of the world and the change of scenery has captured your heart. Perhaps you have decided to stay- because after 4 years, you know the area and love the weather. Your choice has helped to curve your plan and your path.
Now, focusing on marriage. You choose to date a guy. You end up falling in love with him. You chose to date him, but did not choose to fall in love with him. (I do not believe you can choose to fall in love). Now you have to decide what to do. Will you say yes if he asks you to marry him? Will you say you are not ready? It is your choice. But your choice will have consequences either way. When I say consequences, I am not using the word in a negative manner. Each decision you make has natural consequences. In this case, if you choose to say yes, the natural consequence is that you will be married (unless you change your mind later). If you chose to say no you will a) hurt him b) more than likely not be asked again. Natural consequences.
If you choose to date a man in the military, you fall in love, you say yes and you follow through- you will be a military wife. You will spend a lot of time without him up front and personal. But you will have a pride only military wives can have. If you choose to date a man that lives in another stae….you will more than likely spend more time missing him that you will with him. You will always wonder if he is being faithful to you- and he will wonder the same. Eventually, one of you will have to move to be with each other, and then….what if it doesn’t work out?
All questions that you have to ask yourself. Due to some recent events in the lives of those around me, I’ve been thinking about this. And now I remember why I don’t want to get married again. Why I wouldn’t want to have to start all over again. I’m in a relationship that I have been in for nearly 3 years. We have been through good, bad and downright ugly. But neitherof us has run yet. We are still hanging in there. What if I don’t want to advance? Not get married…..but not break up either. Is that allowed? What are the consequences of choosing that path?
I’m not sure what the consequences of just being together without marriage are either. I do know however that it’s sort of driving me crazy not knowing for sure how to proceed with my life. Do I stick around here and never really follow my dream, or do I go follow my dream and hope that he’ll still be faithful through a long distance relationship? If we do get married, will I really ever get the chance to follow my dream, or will I have to abandon it? Just stuff I think about.
I can definitely understand the confusing feelings. I’d normally say that you should get married if you’re committing to someone, because after all, that’s essentially what marriage is: your promise that you’re committing to this person, and you’re saying that before your friends, family, God, and government. But at the same time, when one gets married, and it doesn’t work out, and they do it again and it doesn’t work out, it can be quite hurtful to keep trying (whether these were your own fault or not). Especially when thinking marriages are quite disposable in today’s society. (Since the divorce rate is nearing 70% I hear.)
So I guess my thoughts (considering they’re coming from a never married woman who has only had 2 serious relationships in 26 years) is that if you love him, and you’re committing to him, then you can probably treat him like you’re married (and make sure he treats you like his wife), and maybe file for marriage if you want the tax benefits. Let your friends know, and let God know. It’s a tough decision, I understand. It’s hard to have your heart broken.