Feb 05 2009
“Inside my heart”
I’ve been reading this book called “Inside my heart” written by Robin McGraw (Dr. Phil’s wife). I have never been a fan of Dr. Phil. There are some things that man has said that I just don’t understand. I’m sure he would be willing to explain it for me. In addition, my former mother-in-law stated over and over again that she raised her son by the teachings of Dr. Phil. If this was true, I wanted nothing to do with Dr. Phil for that reason alone. When I first bought the book, I bought one for me and another for one of my girllfriends. I had thumbed through the book, a page caught my eye, and after a minute I knew this would be a fantastic book. So I purchase the books, and when I get home, settle in to begin reading it. I learn in the first 5 minutes that she is the wife of Dr. Phil and I thought to myself “Uh oh.” Well, I spent the money, so I might as well read it, right?
I am not writing this blog to endorse it or anyone involved in it, but I do want to tell you a few things about this book. First of all…..this book is supposed to be about “Choosing to live with passion and purpose” and it says so right on the front cover. When I first started reading the book, I thought perhaps it should have been listed as an autobiography. There are all sorts of little stories about Robin, her husband, their boys and everyone and thing in between. It gets and keeps your attention. That is a good thing, but as I was getting a few chapters into it, I wasn’t seeing how it was supposed to help me. How am I going to benefit from knowing she accidentally diluted formula that wasn’t supposed to be diluted? Where are the instructions for how to choose to live with passion and purpose? And how do I find those things?
But as I neared the middle of the book, I began to understand. She speaks of how she knew her purpose was to be a wife and mother….but as she becamse those things, she realized that it was her exact purpose to be the mother of her sons….the wife of Dr Phil. Not just anyone’s wife and mother….but to the exact sons she has, and to the exact husband she has…..no one else. And I thought about that for a moment. I could relate! A few years ago, I was really seeking my purpose. I knew that God had a plan for me, and while I was working through “The purpose driven life,” I came to understand that God’s plan would play out in His time. But I wanted to know then. I was really seeking. I was praying and fasting and begging God to just show me a little bit of what He had planned for me. And over coffee one night, a few months after moving back to NY from the mid west, one fo my girlfriends that knows me best said to me “I don’t know what God has planned for you for your entire life, but I can see clearly what your purpose is now.” Oh really. She went on….”You Daddy is your purpose. Parents take care of their kids and then kids take care of their parents. You do that and do that well. He needs you right now, and no one else in the world can do what you do for him.” Hmmm. was that true? My mom, God bless her, took care of him in every way you can imagine…ways that you probably can’t imagine too. My sister, Heather, put just as much time, effort and love into him as I did. What did my friend mean when she said that no one else could do what I do for him? And then I realized that because I am my own person, and because I am unique…..she was right. I have different views an opinions, I have a different personality….and apparently, I don’t know how to make spaghetti, oatmeal or biscuits. Those three things were jokes between Daddy and I (with good reason behind them). He and I also shared an immense love for music…..and I did not get annoyed at his watching the same music DVD’s over and over again. I realized that Daddy was my purpose. He took care of me and then I took care of him. Because of how much time I got to spend with him, and the wonderful memories that we shared…..I miss him terribly. It has been 10 months since his passing, and I still find myself wanting to go see him. Still have to bite my tongue to keep myself from telling mom to tell Daddy I love him when I am on the phone with her. And, their phone number is still in my phone under “Daddy and Mom.” But, he was my purpose. And you know, I could not have done for anyone else what I did for him. He could not have done for anyone else what he did for me….probably without even knowing he was doing it.
After he passed away, I once again began to seek my purpose. I still do not know what it is. But I know that God has one for me. ANd I do not believe God is out to hurt us and leave us behind. I know that for all the things I’ve been through, He will reward me. He will. There is something amazing, beyond my comprehension, that He has for me.
In the mean time, I keep reading encouraging books about faith, purpose and hope. This book happens to be a great source of strength for me. Turns out all those little stories she tells are the way she has learned her purpose. She speaks of how you cannot control others, only yourself. She gives examples of how she has worked through learning that the hard way. She writes so candidly that you actually feel like you are having coffee with her. It is unbelievable how refreshed I feel when I put the book down. I am not yet finished with the book…..I am savoring it like a chocolate. This is one of those books that I will read again later. It has been encouraging to me to read that I am not alone in struggling to find my purpose.
And you know, the way she talks about Dr. Phil….I’ve been watching his show when I am home…just to see. And you know, I’d like to say it’s a lot different than it was a couple of years ago when I watched it and decided that I didn’t want anything to do with it. But the truth is, I am a lot different. I understand what he is saying now, and that’s half of the battle. It didn’t relate to me years ago, and it does now. What a concept.
As I continue to read, or at minimum when I finish, I will write more. It’s already worth my money over and over again.
